Fire Nation Family Therapy
by Chibi Horsewoman
Summary: Yeah, like no one ever thought of doing this before. But what happens when you stick the Avatar world’s most dysfunctional family in existence in therapy? Probably something like this. AU OOC some violence and some swearing.
1. It Begins

**Fire Nation Family Therapy**

**A fan fic spoofing Fire Lord Ozai and family**

**Summary: Yeah, like no one ever thought of doing this before. But what happens when you stick the Avatar world's most dysfunctional family in existence in therapy? Probably something like this. AU OOC some violence and some swearing. **

**Dedication: Angel, Tina, Sammie and Prince Zuko (Who is not real but still squishy)**

**Disclaimer: I work at Subway and the airport. Basically I'm a sandwich maker with a clearance who doesn't own diddly but gets fifty percent off food.**

"This is so stupid!" Azula complained as she fire bended at a plant that prior to the fire bending was sitting peacefully on the desk of a noted family therapist. "We could be out searching for the Avatar instead of sitting in this dumb office talking about our feelings!"

"I agree." Lord Ozai, Azula's father put in. "Why are we wasting our time here?"

"Because of the free tea?" Uncle Iroh offered glaring at his younger brother.

"What is with you and your damn idiotic tea obsession?" Ozai shouted back at his elder brother. Iroh's response was to do some quick lightning bending at his brother's robes.

"What I wouldn't give for a good water bender right now." The therapist assigned to the Fire Lord's family mumbled half to herself as she came in and surveyed the office with wary hazel eyes.

Azula narrowed her gold eyes at her brother. "Maybe Zuzu knows a good water bender." The fire princess offered cattily.

Zuzu, who was really prince Zuko, but there was no way in hell that Azula was going to call him that, had been sitting quietly in his chair with his back to the rest of his family until Azula made her catty remark. Zuko blushed and became extremely flustered. "That is none of your concern!" he shouted angrily then tried to start pouting again.

"Don't take that tone of voice with your sister!" Ozai shouted sending a trail of fire at his son.

Azula stuck her tongue out at her older brother as he bended the attack towards the curtains.

The therapist gasped and choked back a scream as she picked up the tea pot and threw the contents on the flaming fabric much to Iroh's dismay.

"What'd you do that for?" the older man asked sounding sad.

"Would you rather I let the room burn down?"

"Fair enough."

The hazel eyed woman nervously scanned her office where four very accomplished fire benders were lounging. Two of them had very volatile tempers, one was borderline psychotic and one had a tea obsession. But hey, it was nothing she couldn't handle. "So, shall we get started?"

"We'd better, you wasted enough of our time already. We have more important things to do." Zuko sulked.

"Yeah, like finding your little water tribe girlfriend." Azula taunted. "Give it a rest Zuzu she's too good for you."

"I told you _NEVER_ to call me that!"

"I told you not to take that tone with your sister!" Ozai shouted heating up his hands.

"Okay everyone, inside voices please." The hazel eyed woman pleaded.

"Do we have any more tea?" Iroh asked holding up his empty tea cup.

"I'm on it." Well, she was on it until the therapist opened the door and was knocked over by a young woman with jet black hair and cobalt blue eyes.

"Zuko!" The girl exclaimed practically jumping over Iroh and flinging her arms around the astonished prince's neck. "I've missed you so much!"

Azula snickered. "Shit! The water tribe girls must be getting pretty desperate if they're flinging themselves at you, Zuzu."

"Shut up Azula!" Zuko shouted freeing up one arm and shooting a fire ball at his sister.

"Can we please try not to burn down my place?" the therapist asked.

"No." Azula replied smirking evilly as she shot some lighting at the therapist who ducked.

"You are one crazy bitch!"

"And don't you forget it!"

"Don't talk to my daughter that way!" Ozai shouted.

"Inside voices please!" the therapist demanded timidly.

"Where's my tea?" Iroh asked sounding rather dejected.

"What are you doing with my boyfriend?" Demanded a new voice.

All heads turned to see a rather pissed off Katara glaring at Zuko and the girl who had bowled over the therapist.

"Shit, it was nice knowing you Zuzu." Azula smirked. "Well, not really, but I had to say it so you're little feelings wouldn't be hurt."

"Okay, this is just too much for me!" Iroh announced. "I'm going to go find some tea." He made his way out the door followed closely by the new black haired girl.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere." Katara growled grabbing the girl and shooting some water that had previously been in a vase of flowers at her face.

The girl blocked and sent the water back much to Katara's surprise.

"Oh how pathetic, Zuzu, they're fighting over you." Azula remarked in a bored tone staring at her fingernails.

That last Zuzu was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, Zuko began fire bending at his sister like a mad man and shouting at her. The banished prince even managed to send a few flames in his father's direction as the therapist unsuccessfully tried to get the water benders' attention. Unfortunately they were too busy attacking eachother with water and ice.

"You slutty, slutty ho bag!"(1) Katara shouted as she tried to incase the other girl in a giant water bubble.

The other girl barely deflected the bubble and sent it crashing back at Katara who dodged it allowing the super pressurized water to pound a hole into the wall.

"Can't you take that outside?" the therapist asked in a tired tone.

"No." Was the collective answer as the fighting resumed.

"This is going to get messy and unfortunately we're out of time. Can you all please leave so I can send you the bill for the repairs?"

No one made a move to do anything but continue their violent bending. A few agonizing minutes later Iroh came back with a large pot of tea. The therapist sat down with him and took a tentative sip. "You should have brought sake."

_**The end?**_

**Well. There you have it, my first ever posted Avatar fan fiction. Please read and review or Azula will use puppies for fire bending practice. Also please let me know if you think I should continue this one.**

**1.) Well, I _did_ say that there would be OOCness in this fic.**


	2. You thought this was over

**Fire Nation Family Therapy**

**A fan fic spoofing Fire Lord Ozai and family**

**Note: I didn't intend for this to be so popular, But I'm glad it happened. **

**Dedication: My really cool reviewers, Angel, and Sokka (Who is not in this fic _yet_, but still really cool)**

**Disclaimer: I only joined their side because they fed me**

**Chapter Two: You Thought This Was Over?**

It had been a week since the first therapy session of the Fire Lord Family. Now the therapist had been named Talia and she was really not thrilled with her predicament. Mainly because that family was still fighting and they were all fire benders. Plus last week two water benders had crashed the session and now refused to leave. But let's just carry on shall we?

"I'm bored! I never want to do this again!" Azula shouted at the top of her voice as she zapped a row of books.

"Hey!" Talia shouted back. "Those are priceless antiques."

"You mean they were." Azula taunted.

"I cannot wait to charge you all for this visit."

"Would anyone care for more tea?" Iroh asked trying to avoid another costly altercation.

"Can you get off the tea kick Iroh?" Ozai scolded.

"Okay, would anyone care for a scone?"

Zuko fell over and the others in the room grew silent.

"I'd love a scone." One of the water bender's spoke up.

"What in Angi's (1) name is a scone?" Zuko asked picking himself up off the floor.

"It's a type of cookie served with tea." Talia explained, "I think… Uh, what's your name?"

"I'm Mizu(2) Angel and I love Zuko." The raven haired water bender said smiling.

"You can't have him!" Katara shouted as Zuko turned a vivid shade of crimson.

"Do I need to call Jerry Springer?" Talia asked sounding amused.

"Wow those water tribe girls just get crazier and crazier." Azula put in.

"You're one to talk about being crazy." Angel shot back.

Azula gave the older water bender an evil look then turned to her uncle. "Uncle Iroh. Would you like to play a game of pai sho?"

Iroh raised one eyebrow in question, his niece hated him and thought he was a loser, but still pai sho was pai sho. "Okay, how much do you have?"

"Oh, we're not playing for money." Azula grinned. "If I win I get to play a game of barbeque the water benders."

"And if I win?" Iroh asked.

"I won't set this office on fire."

"Like we can really believe you?" Talia asked suspiciously. "If you don't trash this place your father or those other girls will."

"True, so let's start."

"Wait a minute!" Angel yelled.

"Yeah, I really don't like that idea." Katara added.

"We could do it now instead if you prefer." Azula purred.

"How about we play a game of freeze the sadistic psychopathic fire bender instead?" Angel shot back cracking her knuckles.

"You're on!"

"Oh shit! I hate you both!" Talia cried as her office was slowly destroyed again.

"Why can't we all just settle down and play a nice relaxing game of mah jong?" Iroh suggested trying unsuccessfully to end the elemental sparing.

"You only need four people to play mah jong." Talia pointed out.

"Oh, you're right. Zuko, would you like to join me and the therapist in a game of mah jong?"

Zuko turned his head towards the fight between Angel and Azula. "No thank you uncle."

"Your loss." Iroh shrugged and Talia went to go find some mah jong tiles figuring anything was better than watching her stuff get destroyed.

A few minutes passed. The battle was still raging and Katara had joined Iroh and Talia in a game of bunco (3) since Talia couldn't find any mah jong tiles. Ozai was reading Better Homes and Gardens. Azula was getting ready to do a sneak attack on Angel when Zuko leaped from his chair where he had been drawing.

"Stop!" the fire bending prince yelled causing all heads to turn.

_**And here ends another chapter.**_

**Yes, an evil cliff hanger. Only Angel and I know what is about to happen. Everyone else should review or I'm going to let Azula fire bend some bunnies starting with Kiko from Winx Club**

**1.) The Hindu God of Fire.**

**2.) Japanese for water. It fits since she's a water bender.**

**3.)** **A game using four dice and four people (you can use three and one person has to roll twice) where you try to roll all four of a given number to get bunco. My mom and some of her friends play it one Thursday a month.**


	3. Enter the Estranged Fire Lady

**Fire Nation Family Therapy**

**A fan fic spoofing Fire Lord Ozai and family**

**Note: I'm going to add some more people (cough) Princess Ursa (cough) Yeah this'll get better. Angel is my friend's OC. If we ever get our fic up, she'll make more sense. And I think for the sake of this story I'll be a KatAang shipper. **

**Dedication: My really cool reviewers, Angel, and Sokka (Who is not in this fic _yet_, but still really cool)**

**Disclaimer: You can't choose your relatives, but you can always lie and say you're adopted.**

**Chapter Three: Enter the Estranged Fire Lady**

Everyone stopped what they were doing to turn and stare at Zuko in shock. Ozai dropped his magazine losing the page he had been reading, Katara let her dice drop and Azula stood in shock.

"Fight me instead." Zuko told Azula glaring at his sister.

"Are you sure that you want to fight me?" Azula spat back.

"Yes, I am."

"Can you take it outside?" Talia begged.

"Zuko, you should show your sister some respect." Ozai added.

"Ozai I think you're going overboard." Iroh reprimanded his younger brother flinging a die at his head.

"And what are you going to do about it old man?" the younger of the two men taunted.

Iroh's response to his younger brother's taunt was to lightening bend at Ozai's head piece causing it to look like an overcooked brownie.

"Mom always liked you best." Ozai whined.

"Enough of these distractions!" Azula shouted as she fired a series of lightening blasts at Zuko who dodged them quickly, Angel made her way over to the table with Iroh and Katara.

"Azula I hate you! Dad always treats you better!" Zuko yelled back as he returned his sister's fire.

"That's because I'm better than you!"

"Am not!"

"Am too, no one wants to kill me!" Azula taunted reminding her brother of how their grandfather had supposedly ordered Zuko's death.

"At least no one in her immediate family." Angel quipped causing Katara and Iroh to laugh.

"I heard that comment you're next!" Azula yelled her tone threatening

"Young lady we don't use that tone of voice with people." All eyes turned to see Fire Lady Ursa (1) standing in the doorway scowling at her children.

"You! What the hell are you doing here?" Fire Lord Ozai demanded angrily as he overcame his shock at seeing his estranged wife.

"I was invited. And, Ozai, I see that you still can't control Azula."

"Like you're one to talk Ursa, you ran off when they were children." Ozai returned smugly.

"I had no choice! You were threatening to kill Zuko if I didn't leave and stop babying him!" Ursa accused angrily.

"So that's why you left?" Zuko asked trying not to cry.

"Oh look at the bawl baby finding out that daddy really wanted to kill him." Azula mocked earning her some joint waterbending on the part of Angel and Katara who had decided to put their differences aside and attack a common adversary. Besides Katara was thinking that maybe she and Aang would look sweet together. (2)

"Hmm, run away or have your favorite child die. I know which one I'd choose." Katara spoke up. Angel and Talia nodded in agreement.

"Well you were too hard on Azula." Ozai complained.

"I don't think we were hard enough! That girl has some serious issues and instead of addressing them you encouraged her!" Ursa shot back. "You're the root of everyone's problems!"

"Listen woman!"

"Oh shit did he just call her woman?" Angel asked

"Well she just told him he's the cause of everyone's problems." Katara said.

"It's gonna get ugly now." Zuko predicted.

Ursa turned to look at Zuko and saw the ugly scar on her son's face. "What happened to you Zuko?"

"Agni Kai when I was thirteen." Zuko replied sounding sheepish.

"Yeah, against dad!" Azula exclaimed happily unaware of what was about to happen. "Zuzu refused to fight so dad called him a coward and said he'd learn some respect and pain would be his teacher."

"Is this true Ozai?"

Not giving her father the chance to reply Azula added. "That's nothing, if Zuzu _had _fought him, dad would have charged him with treason and Zuzu would have been executed as a traitor." (3) Azula seemed morbidly pleased with that news.

"So, Ozai this is how you act towards your own son in my absence?" Ursa asked as two small balls of flames formed in her fists.

Ozai nodded smugly. "And what are you going to do about it?"

Ursa smiled. "Seeing, as you enjoy doing Agni Kai against family members. I'd like to challenge you to one right now." (4)

The other assembled fire benders, Ozai included fell over in shock, none of them knew that Ursa could fire bend. Meanwhile Katara and Angel began cheering.

"Yeah go Ursa!" Katara yelled.

"Kick his ass!" Angel encouraged.

"Just do it outside." Talia pleaded.

"Well, Ozai? Are you going to back out of a challenge?" Ursa asked noticing her estranged husband's reservations.

"Hell no. I just hope you don't mind looking like your son." Ozai replied trying to psyche his wife out.

"We'll just have to see about that. Now let's go outside so we can spare this young lady's office further damage.

_**Marshmallows get your marshmallows here!**_

**Well, thanks for waiting and not flaming me too bad about my friend's OC. I hope everyone likes this chapter a bit more. And I had to make Ursa a bit OOC because of the way this story is heading.**

**1.) Well the writers never specified in Zuko Alone if she dies or not. Ursa just left and this is AU so I decided that Ursa would be back, and now she can fire bend.**

**2.) Zutara shippers please don't hunt me down. Actually just read my profile and it'll explain my pairing ideas.**

**3.) That's just a theory of mine. Let me know what you think of it.**

**4.) I've never seen it specified that Agni Kai are only for men in the show, so I think women can declare them too.**


End file.
